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While reading listen to:
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Saturday, 30.12. 2023
For 2024, I made a bingo card with simple and complicated challenges. It is filled with the things I want to do in 2024, but more importantly, it includes steps that will pave the road to my dreams. I have no idea how some of them will come to fruition, but I am willing to try.
Oh, if only I could see what 2024 will bring to me.
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Monday, 30.12.2024
It is 2024. I am sitting on the same chair as last year when I made the bingo card, hoping to plant seeds for my year to prosper. There were some big leaps of faith on that seemingly innocent bingo card.
The thing was, this time last year, I had just finished a three-month program called The Artist’s Way. The point of it was for me to set my goals, gain a clear vision of my dreams, and outline the steps to get there.
At the end of the program, I wrote a whole ass evaluation, but these words when reading backwards struck me the most:
It seems that this journey has shown me the kind of life I truly live. It has removed the blindfold from my eyes and revealed the hard truth. At the same time, it has swept the ashes from my hearth, revealing deeply rotted dreams and reigniting a smouldering fire. The fresh breath of air made the small flame ignite, and with its light, it drew a path to the life I wanted—the everyday existence I dream of.
After reading all my notes from the last three months, I’m no longer as afraid. I see that things keep repeating for me, and as the author of the book wrote, I always view them from a higher perspective because I’m climbing my mountain. I’m not afraid because I have a structure for the next 90 days. I’m not afraid because it is visibly present in my room. I’m not afraid because I know I can write down my fear and surrender it to You. I’m not afraid because I know I’ll give myself a chance.
So many truths have been revealed in these past months. Things that lightly pressed against the ashes, begging for attention and breath to ignite.
I still feel like I’ve only scratched the surface of understanding the book, and that I need to read it again. I look forward to it—when I’ll walk this path a second time.
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This book has quite honestly set me up for the new year. My dreams were clear, and my steps were planned. All I needed to do was execute. Hence the Bingo. Now the paper is sitting on my left, right next to an empty cup of coffee. Out of the 25 challenges, 18 are crossed out.
The moment is surreal because it feels like the past and present are moulding into one. Now, when I look at the bingo card, instead of daunting challenges, I see memories.
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I see myself on my solo trip, filled with indescribable joy, dancing with tears in my eyes to my favorite song—the one the artist had dedicated to everyone who came to the festival alone.
My memory is painted with images of the stunning corners of the earth I had the privilege to explore and all the amazing things they had taught me. They reset my mind and my spirit. The mountain country taught me to trust and let go of worry, while the sea island washed away pain I hadn’t even realized I was carrying.
I feel immense pride in achieving some of my hardest challenges—writing my master’s thesis and facilitating an Erasmus+ exchange. I vividly remember the planning and the anxious, gruelling days that nearly made me quit. But then, the beautiful fruits of my labour appeared, bearing gifts not just for me but for the people around me. It felt miraculous to witness my passions for dancing, therapy, and emotional regulation intertwine seamlessly into my work, creating something deeply meaningful.
This year, I finally fell in love with hiking and kickboxing—one to strengthen my stamina and the other to liberate my spirit. I also took a significant step forward by creating a financial plan for my life, laying the groundwork for a future where I can truly thrive.
I tried to build a platform, failed, and then tried again—and again, and again. Though the journey was filled with towering stone walls, I kept hammering at them, driven by the fire of my dream. I pushed further, determined to turn it into my full-time career.
But it seemed there were other plans in the works for me. I was derailed and placed in a space I had feared most since college: a daunting 9-to-5 job. In my mind, it was a trap that would drain the life out of me, leaving me too exhausted to pursue my passions. And yet, to my surprise, I found myself loving it. The youngsters, the pace, the work—it all brought an immense sense of peace into my life.
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This is a thank-you note for the past year. For all that was planned and came to fruition, but also for the unexpected surprises that weren’t on my bingo card yet found their way to me.
I am grateful for all the beauty I had the privilege to witness with my eyes, the songs that filled my ears, the people I embraced, and my heart that was touched through grace and patience. Thank you for the taste of peace and the gift of worry-free days. For the surreal moments of life, that left me speechless with tears in my eyes. For the smell of troubles, reminding me to take the other road and leave what was done behind.
I understand now why all the anxiety, tears, and worries came with their challenges. I see the purpose behind the troubles, the derailments, and the unexpected twists along the way. And if there are still lingering questions, confusion or traces of anger, sadness or worry, I trust they will find a resolution somewhere in the end. They always do.
So now, as the year draws to a close, I write this for the year ahead:
My goals are clear, and my steps are carefully laid out on my new bingo card. I am filled with equal measures of trust and fear. My wish for 2025 is simple: surprise me.
…Oh, if only I could see what 2025 will bring to me.
JOURNALING PROMPTS
- What dreams or goals have you been hesitant to pursue, and how might breaking them down into smaller, actionable steps—like a Bingo card—help you move closer to achieving them?
- What would your version of a Bingo card for the next year look like, and what feelings arise when you think about filling it with both simple joys and bold leaps of faith?
