Miss Consistency: Why She Scares Me and How I’m Learning to Embrace Her

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Initially, my excuse was the need for a brief pause to refine details. A different word here, a punctuation tweak there, maybe a shift in the colour palette or a selection of more inspiring images – classic perfectionist tendencies.

Then came my sister’s wedding and after the festivities, I took a week off at the seaside to recharge. As I lounged on my beach towel, sunscreen slathered on my face, the question lingered: “Why am I delaying the launch day now?“

Later, during a breezy bike ride home from the beach, a revelation struck me like a bolt from the blue.

I was afraid of my second post.

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And the third, fourth, tenth, and hundredth…

I was afraid of Miss Consistency.

Honestly, our relationship is complicated, to say the least. She’s as unpredictable as she is unreliable, sometimes by my side, other times she likes to take long vacations to god knows where and doesn’t give a damn about me.

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But her favourite pastime? Tempting me with the allure of the new. She subtly gives me ideas and nudges me into exciting hobbies, loving people, enchanting books, exhilarating music, drastic lifestyle changes, and small day-to-day choices. She seductively whispers all the good things I could have If I am just willing to say yes to this new obsession of hers.

It is a dangerous game, that frankly, I love playing. It is like flirting. It gives you the rush, and the excitement prompting you to imagine what it would be like, to let this new into your life. You toy with the idea of it, imagining it in your lifestyle among all the things you already said yes to. But most importantly you envision how it will make you feel. Good, excellent, fabulous, or better yet, like a reckless midnight drive?

Then you make a decision. It is a yes or no. And the thing about Miss Consistency is that she loves to say yes. Sticking around? Yeah, not so much.

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And that is why we have a complicated relationship. A love-hate one. I love that she encourages me to take on new things, and I hate that she leaves me as soon as things become difficult. I let her do it often enough that I don’t even mind it anymore. I guess I become accustomed to never finishing challenges that I set for myself.

And here comes to play my fear of posting or rather fear of not posting. I am afraid that she will leave me, like so many times before, and I will be stuck with this sticky, ugly feeling in my chest.

In true writer fashion, I decided to journal about it. As I poured my thoughts onto the page, a daring notion took root.

A challenge. For a part of myself….for Miss Consistency.

I challenge you, Miss Consistency, to a duel, or better yet, a write-off. Me and you, every week, let’s see who can outlast the other.

What do I know? Maybe we even become colleagues, or dare I say it, friends.

journaling example

journaling example